Rise of the Zombie Donald

In 2012 the Republican Party died. An autopsy showed that it died of acute bigotrosis. Although dead, signs of movement continued to appear in the disgusting pile of dead Republicanism. Its muscles and organs were decaying and putrefying and maggots were invading the corpse, leading observers to believe that it was still alive.

But inside the corpse was growing the first of the Republican Undead, The Donald. It had the grotesque coloring of a putrid orange, the slick, greasy hair of an undead hyena, and the grinning face of a lunatic chimpanzee. 

It finally emerged, fully grown, four years later. It had the power of mind control over any former member of the Republican Party. It quickly began eating the living brains and flesh of the Establishment. There was no defense to the Donald. 

It is walking as you read this. There is nothing you can do. It will eat your brains out. It has total control of your mind. REPEAT. There is nothing you can do. He will convince you of anything. He will show you pictures of him eating normal food, such as Taco Salad ToiletBowls and Kentucky Fried ChickenShit. Do not fall for these optical tricks. Have you ever seen the Donald ingest actual food? NO!

He will tell you that he has sacrificed his money for his country, that he would have gladly sacrificed his life for his country in a place called "The Republic of VeetName." These lies works only for those whose brains have already been infected with the Right Wing Zombie Virus, those who were living in the Colonic Space of the Republican Party when it died. 

You are not safe!! It is coming!!

The Passion of the Donald

The Christians (not the Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, or other heathens) believe that God sacrificed his only Son to redeem the sins of mankind. The Donald has now revealed to us that he also has sacrificed something that is truly precious to him: his money. He sacrificed his money to create jobs and casinos in New Jersey so that he could redeem his Holy Profit. He created wealth in his own image and saw that it was Good. He said, "Let there be gambling and whores in Atlantic City," and He saw that the gambling and whores were Good.

All Glory be to the Donald.

"I must bear my cross, too." The Donald.

Democrats' Cultural Appropriation

Democrats in Philadelphia have appropriated the cheap, plastic culture of phony Republican patriotism. All it took was a few dollars' worth of little cheap, plastic flags, and some rabid chanting of "USA!"

How did Republican patriotism get to be so cheap? For eight years they have believed that a Kenyan dictator has seized control of "their" country and has transformed the former U.S.A. into a communist dictatorship of the proletariat  Their country and its symbols have ceased to exist except in their poisoned little memories. Cheap memories sell for cheap.